Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Why am I doing this? Why am I leaving my perfect apartment, my half decent job, the bestest kittycat and the best friends I've ever had to go the the middle of goddamnable nowhere and of all things STUDY? Because there is no longer any hiding place. This is my path.

I hated college. Hated every mad minute of it and even now that it's over, I agree with 2003 me that I probably should have dropped out. Mostly because the debt is crushing, and I can't put my finger on anything much I gained (except my first clown and mime classes. Ha ha. I started a commedia club.) So why am I putting myself back in student mode?
No one is going to come along and make my life happen. I always sort of subconsciously assumed that's what would happen. But it won't. It has to be me. And this is what I want to do, because something about that place and more importantly that work makes me feel like a real person. Like even though I'm out in the woods standing on my head, I'm not running away from my life, I'm running to it. I become focused. I become the kind of person that asks for the key to the studio to keep working on something after closing time instead of the type who gets home from work at 2pm and naps until bedtime. I stop working for the first laugh and start working for the work. I want to never stop doing this ever again.

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