Monday, November 7, 2011

Animal Week

Greetings from Arcata Square!

Going into week five on crutches! Animal week was especially hard for me, that's the kind of work I can really dig into. We went to the zoo, watched a lot of YouTube and tried to produce some convincing animals. Mostly, it was not good. But we once again started to disregarded the impossible, so it counts as a success.
   I had a short update meeting with the faculty Friday, and I'm feeling much relieved. They aren't worried about me, and as usual know me better than I know myself.
     Being injured has allowed me to take an ALARMING amount of notes. Shall I share with you some gems? I think I shall. I hesitate to talk about what we're doing at all. It's like my own little religion. I have to tell you, the people that teach us here say some profound, hilarious stuff.

"I'm asking for fire in the pelvis What you're giving me is mice in the underpants." -R
"Love one another. It's the best. Otherwise life becomes an endless road of legislation" -R
"Never trust a seated artist"
"Pulling out the chair
Beneath your mind
And watching you fall upon God –" - Hafiz
"More cojones. Less... child bearing area."-R

We deal a lot with re-training audiences. Not feeding them conventions. And we never, ever clap unless we mean it. 

I also got to celebrate Diwali, the Indian festival of lights with Pratik and the entire famiglia (Dell'Arte family!) He made a huge vat of traditional Indian street food, and we lit hundreds of candles all over. It was lovely!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Slog slog slog

Well folks, the news from the orthopaedic surgeon was good-ish. No torn tendons, no torn ligaments, but the meniscus is torn and the ligaments all sprained and janky. Still learning patience - let's be accurate actually. Still screaming with all my skin  ALL I WANT TO DO IS WORK. It sucks. I'm still here, I love my class, and the faculty is amazing on a level I can't even comprehend some days. I'm heading into week four on crutches which means I can't participate in the performance labs, but I've become the regular emcee.

I don't know guys. It makes me sad today. All I ever wanted to do was to do this fully every single moment. It's hard from under an ice pack in the corner.
Don't worry. Still workin' it.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

So, we're thinking Medial Collateral ligament tear. I'm convinced it's only a strain. Monday's visit to the orthopaedic surgeon will tell. Boy, I tell you, I'm frustrated. I did a lot of work and sacrificed a lot of things to come here, and I sure as heck hate watching it pass me by from the couch.
My class is super supportive - I'm so afraid of being left behind but I know they won't let it happen. Learning. patience. Gratitude, writing, and developing a directors eye. Sigh no more. It's par for the course.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Pre Performance Lab Check In

I ran almost 2 miles this morning. It's better in a group of 40. With songs.

I have not worn real pants in a week.

Boy is my temper juuuuuuust below the surface

I get weirdly athletic and competitive during group sports

I love to sleep more than ever

Yes, you can have a bagel and cream cheese and 2 portions of rice cheese and broccoli for lunch. Yes, you will be hungry in 2 hours.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

First Performance


pirate ship made from a converted white Volkswagen Cabriolet carrying 20 people
pirate zombie band
drag mermaid
the phrase"walk the spank"
human sea monkeys

I've never seen so much care taken to create a safe, fun place. Lloyd borrowed my hat, it looked WAY better on him. Jesus God, Adrenaline.
Instant bonds were made. Trust created. All while we laughed. I feel lucky all of a sudden.
Sometimes, you get really really lucky with your random roommate selection.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

First Post from Blue Lake (E?XHAUSTED)


Just the first day of orientation (there are two) has us bruised, sweaty and all too aware of our extreme level of out of shape.

Last night I got to see a workshop production of some alumni and their clown show. Today we oriented for several hours, the MFA's threw us a BBQ, and we got our first assignment. Why am I so tired? We did waaay less than we usually will...

Luckily my roomates are mad cool. They wear safety goggles while driving nails, and buy vodka by the drum. Summer also figured out how to start our ancient stove.

 Well done there, pizza for all. All told, things are pretty much what you'd expect. A lot of extremely nervous, extremely diverse people trying the best way they know how to make a good impression, make friends, and make someone laugh.

Second day of orientation tomorrow, which makes me a little more at ease because it's sweatpants wearing studio work. Warm ups, realizing you STILL can't do push ups, stuff like that. I can deal with that kind of sucking. It's the mental stuff that gets to me. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, and the day after that is the actual first day of school. Pictures to follow.

PS Also, my name anagrams to Axe Boullion. For our metal band.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Queen Robin

As I run out of hours before leaving town, I wanted to tell you all about something actually blogworthy. We've all heard of the Make-a-Wish Foundation - how they make wishes come true for terminally ill children. Let them have batting practice with Ken Griffey Jr or something. When I signed on the help with a wish last weekend, I had no idea what I was in for. The sheer scope of resources and what they can do for people is really mind blowing.
     Robin is 10. She has a brain tumor. She came to Make-A-Wish of Washington and Alaska, and told them she'd like to go to Wonderland. She wanted to play croquet with the Queen of Hearts, meet creatures real and imagined, solve riddles, and sleep where no one had ever slept before. What Make A Wish came up with was more vast, detailed, and magical than I could have imagined. It really changed my perspective to see hundreds of people working hundreds of hours not for an audience, not for ticket sales or reviews, but for the complete happiness of one single person.
    A white rabbit arrived at Robin's door with an invitation from the Queen. Told her to pack a bag. Put her, her mother, father and 14 year old brother in a vintage Bentley and took them to...Nordstrom. Nordstrom set her up with tea, cake, and a personal shopper. She tried on a dozen party dresses and chose her very favorite. Back into the Bentley, adn to the White Queen's City Palace - anyone who has seen pictures of me from Wonderland knows the Space Needle is clearly modeled after Her White Majesty. Robin, the White Rabbits and her family "fell up" the elevators to the Space Needle where all the tourists blew bubbles as the doors opened. Robin cleverly sighted The White Queen through one of the telescopes, and followed the clues to The Ruins, where the maddest of Tea Parties commenced. And we hadn't even begun yet.

After tea, Robin napped on a 40 foot catamaran to the Bloedel Reserve (holy cow, that place is magical). They had dinner with the Duchess herself (too much pepper, I hear) and then to sleep in the canopy bed they built just for her. The next day was a whirlwind for all of us. Breakfast with the Queen of Hearts  (Robin brought her the red roses she'd been given the day before. Whenever anyone gave her a gift, she passed it directly on. I got a sunflower :)) A morning of croquet with the Red and White Queens (and the Red King, thanks for joining late, Gavin!) and a team of 6 gymnast hedgehogs! They were soon frightened away by our aerialista Cheshire Cat, and Robin and Alice started an afternoon of riddles, challenges, parkour with the tweedles Dum and Dee... all the while acquiring bits of costumery in the Wonderland aesthetic. There was a picnic, a short sing along with out brilliant Mock Turtle, K Brian Neel... Robin passed the proper examinations and became Queen Robin, there was cake, and Crunch Punch and riddles and love.

     Make a Wish does things right. Nothing was overlooked and everything was done double. If you're feeling unfulfilled, like you don't make a difference, volunteer with these people. Everything they do is 80% volunteer driven. Make wishes come true.

I almost forgot my favorite part! The goodbyes were tearful! Robin was picked up in a sea plane to go home. Perhaps my favorite moment of the whole few days was the sea plane dipping it's wings over the Bluffs of Wonderland so we could all wave goodbye one more time. Robin's brother snapped this picture. We missed her so much already:)

Make wishes come true. Make something that matters for just one person, any way you can.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Bonus Photo!

Thanks to Photog Ian Johnston!

Friday, August 19, 2011

I've just gotten home from the Red Nose Revue, and I wanted to post while the endorphins are still flowing.

I'm so full of gratitude, joy, hope and a strong feeling that the insane decisions I've made this year were so so right. I don't have words big enough. My friends are the most fantastic people on the planet and whatever I did to earn their presence in my life I will spend the rest of my life making it worth their while.

We sold out ten minutes before the band even started. I've never felt love from a crowd like that. And I didn't even know ALL of them!

I have the Love.

And in the words of Geoffery Tennant: How? How do we make it like this every single night?

Monday, August 15, 2011

Happy Happy Day!

WE MADE THE KICKSTARTER!! This means the Red Nose Revue will be a real fundraiser and I won't have to pay the cast and crew and band and space out of receipts! If we sell out I could make an entire month of being alive in Blue Lake. Squee.

The best part about the whole thing is the people who donated. They donated for 2 reasons.
a) They are personal friends of mine and believe in be. What could possibly make a soul feel better than that? My strapped for cash friends with their own dreams and trials carved out some change because they love me.
b)Some donors were strangers, which means people care about this kind of work. They want to see it done. It still strikes a chord, which validates and vindicates everything I'm trying to do with my life.

It's so hard no to use all caps and multiple exclamation marks. It is an all caps and exclamations kind of day.

Playing Proud,

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


6:30 - 2:30 WORK
3:00-4:00 Feed cats in Sand Point!
4:30 - 11:00 REHEARSAL!


Started in May. Three weeks to go. I think I'm turning into someone I don't like so much.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Why am I doing this? Why am I leaving my perfect apartment, my half decent job, the bestest kittycat and the best friends I've ever had to go the the middle of goddamnable nowhere and of all things STUDY? Because there is no longer any hiding place. This is my path.

I hated college. Hated every mad minute of it and even now that it's over, I agree with 2003 me that I probably should have dropped out. Mostly because the debt is crushing, and I can't put my finger on anything much I gained (except my first clown and mime classes. Ha ha. I started a commedia club.) So why am I putting myself back in student mode?
No one is going to come along and make my life happen. I always sort of subconsciously assumed that's what would happen. But it won't. It has to be me. And this is what I want to do, because something about that place and more importantly that work makes me feel like a real person. Like even though I'm out in the woods standing on my head, I'm not running away from my life, I'm running to it. I become focused. I become the kind of person that asks for the key to the studio to keep working on something after closing time instead of the type who gets home from work at 2pm and naps until bedtime. I stop working for the first laugh and start working for the work. I want to never stop doing this ever again.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Alice in Wonderland! AGAIN!! Preparing to go to Dell'Arte! AGAIN! Preparing to put up a clown show!

Is it last year?

I miss my friends? Why did I make the last time I have to spend with you guys for a long time SO BUSY??

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mumble mumble mumble.

I have been a mad person lately.
mad:proooobably not making the healthiest choices.

I probably change more than anyone I know. I'm like one of those volcanoes the science guys walk on on the television. Rock on top, crazyassed roiling lava underneath. Always in motion. I'm like that, except the next moment the volcano is a pie. Then a stack of files. Then a helicopter. Then Charlie Sheen. Then a pie again. It's why I don't follow politics. Every political argument I've ever been in has gone like this:
Me: This!
Them: No! This!
Me: You're probably right.

Yeah, it's exhausting. Buddhists call this "Monkey Mind". I call it "If I Don't Have A Glass of Red Wine I'm Going To Have A Panic Attack Mind". Granted, the Buddhists solution is much healthier than mine, but I tried meditating once, and it was scary in there. Scary and loud.

So, it's a transitional time, as I try to figure out if I'm depressed, learning to stand up for myself, or just not as nice as I used to be.

That's what's been going on. In case you wondered where I went.

Friday, May 27, 2011

"It is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she?... What does this person look like? Identical to me? Or somehow complementary? Does my other half have what I don't? Did he get the looks, the luck, the love? Were we really separated forcibly or did he just run off with the good stuff? Or did I? Will this person embarrass me? And what about sex? Is that how we put ourselves back together again? Or can two people actually become one again? And if we're driving on the Autobahn when it happens, can we still use the diamond lane?"
-John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig Schmidtt

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Hi Beauties. This brought me some inspiring perspective. I'm already proud to be a part of this family. Lloyd's gonna make it. So am I. I know we are.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Full Body Eyeroll

Well, I had to take down the ChipIn page, somebody went all creepy all over it.


I'm going to try to get to accept a proposal for me - but they really only do plans with a finite outcome. Help me think of a way to propose my tuition, or the trip or SOMETHING as a plan they'd let me run on their site?

Come to me, oh smart masses!!

Oh, and as for the douchecanoe that ruined my fundraising page?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Quinquennial Freakout!!

Every five years, my brain grows robot legs, one of those little rotating saws, a desire to see the world, and tries to exit my head. In 2002 I up and left Missouri for New York. In 2007, I up and left New York for Seattle. Well we're creepin' up on 2012, and the little saw is a'buzzin in there.

But I already have a place to run away to all set up (if I didn't I'd probably be looking at teaching jobs in Copenhagen or something. Seriously, I do this)! So instead Brain is just bouncing around in there, making me feel all weird and insecure and terrible. In years past it's been all cry cry cry nobody loves me, I'm an annoying person and I'll be alone forever. This is the first year ever I haven't been able to get away with that one. I have beautiful, talented, supportive friends. I have a brilliant ex, who though he could barely stand me when we were together (I KID!!), still wants to hang out with me now that we're not . Someone even told me lately that I'm 'not as awkward as I think I am'. That is such a relief. I worry ALL the time. But I'm starting to realize how irrational that is, and that means I'm not insane all the way.

I've been watching this promo video non stop:

This is going to be SO GOOD FOR ME. I hate leaving Seattle and my friends, especially with all the new babies that will be running around almost exactly when I leave. But I gotta fight the robot.

Also Chris bet me I couldn't learn Mills Mess in 2 months. If I do, he'll put 50$ in my clown fund.
Prepare to eat it.
(Mills Mess is this trick, but with less lookin' like a douchebag:)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lunch Hour Quiet Revelations

I remember when I was little, and somewhere along the way I decided that when you die, all that remains of your entire existence is that which is remembered in the minds of other people. Once everyone who knew you or was touched by you in some way dies, (unless you made the history books, recording charts, or film archives) you never existed.

I just today, while picking up a sandwich, I reached the scientific end point of a human beings ability to live like that.


And when I say "huh", of course I mean:

Monday, April 25, 2011

Hello beautiful darlings. I have never been so busy as I was doing the commedia!! I'm talking open the cupcake store at 6am, rehearse from 11-4, go back and close the cupcake shop until midnight lather rinse repeat busy.
The Moore is an amazing theatre. It's all catacom-ey and old-timey and gorgeous.

I didn't take many pictures because I didn't want to look like an amateur, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself.

Oh my god my dressing room had a couch.

OH MY GOD I HAD A DRESSING ROOM! I napped there. There was steam heat and it was always hissing which was nice for the napping, it made the place less spooky.

The best part of all was I got to work with an amazing group of actors and clowns. Our Arlechinno came up from California, and was a true leader. Our Capocomico (chief of comedy and leader of the troupe) . I felt so lucky to learn from such a worldly performer and working clown. Also our troupe of hearty actors, our Professore and of course our Maestro. Here he is challenging Arlechinno to a bout of leg wrestling:
Not bad for a guy who just turned 72.

We had movie nights together, and Capocomico cooked traditional Italian meals. There was much wine. And then negroni, grappa, more wine...zzzzzzzzzz

Anyway. I'm tired, I'm proud, and I want more.

Friday, March 25, 2011

I love love.

Charles and Meghan had the most perfect wedding. I cried, I sang karaoke, and I believe I slow danced to 'Let's Get It On'.

makes the 'ole ticker ache just a little bit :)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Wasn't that subtle?

Well as deftly made you aware, I was accepted into the graduating class of 2012 at Dell'Arte International.


Besides the crippling terror life changing decisions usually come with, this (fantastic) news has brought me face to face with my financial history - specifically my defaulted student loans. They make my odds of receiveing federal grants or any financial aid pretty crunchy. That's ok. I feel like I can raise it all. I really do.

Oh the other thing it made me face is...ooh - I'm outta shape. This too I shall conquer!

I'm excited, I'm scared and I'm damn determined. One of my favorite combinations :)

As it was started, this is once again a dedicated blog! BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the meantime, enjoy my shiny new donations button!!! I'll be offering prizes and rewards and auctions and competitions!!

OO! Also, rehearsals on the commedia start in TEN DAYS!! SQUEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

"I know I left some funny in here somewhere..."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

How would YOU...

... raise about $23K in 7 months?

I'm thinking about holding Vaudeville Open Mikes in town, good lord we have enough disgruntled circus people. What I really need is a wealthy sponsor. Someone who reallllly likes clowns.

Whaddya got for ideas, oh clever firends?

Well that's putting the cart before the horse. First I have to put together a 3 minute silent audition piece about my life. Jesus christ. I can't think of a single thing I wouldn't cringe to see if somebody else did it. And time is running out for the March 1st deadline. I haaaaaaate self indulgent performance pieces. Hate. Shall we go all caps? Let's. HATE. Am I doomed to become what I hate most??

This has been my Cupcake LunchBreak Braindump Update.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Seattle Haiku II

The work is taxing
Would it be so hard to tip?
Eat your damned cupcake.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Seattle Haiku Time

The rain has begun
Now my jeans are wet, and that
That is worst of all.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

New Power Cord = Precious Blogging

Happy New Year, blogosphere! 2010 eh? So much happened. I had a damn big year. A Big Damn Year even. The beautiful and talented Sweet (crafty) Clementine did a cute clever thing (surprised face) and made a year in pictures. I will do that now.

I did a pro 2 man comedy show. I did not know I could do this, and it was one of the best times I've ever had. Confidence? Boosted. Ten points for Jan-March 2010.

Saw San Fran for the first time! March 2010. Even took in a Cirque casting seminar.

B got MARRIED!! She so PRETTY!

I got Milo!!

Hey, the most artistically inspiring and important month of my life to date. Thanks Dell'Arte.

I got a job that seems to be pretty much a perfect match for me.

Added Stiltwalking to the skill portfolio...

Relationship status change. Miss my friend.

Grew a pair and clowned out loud. (Photo credit Ian Johnston, who also made the act 10x funnier!)

And because Andrea is amazing and generous as hell, I got to see Hawaii.

I am a lucky assed girl, and it's all because I have the best friends that there are. I owe you people everything. My very happiness. Not one of these wonderful things could have happened without you.